I am Barabbas

Picture this. You have committed some horrible crime. You are captured and sentenced to cruel and painful death. You sit in your cell in chains, awaiting your time to die. Then a guard comes up to you and releases your chains. Someone you don't know volunteered to take your place. He isn't guilty of anything; He just doesn't want to see you suffer.

COOL DUDE, am I right? 

This story sounds a bit familiar....

Remember Barabbas? Bad man, criminal, and flat-out THUG?

Flashback to the Trial Before Pilate (John 18-19; Mark 15). Jesus is standing before a mocking crowd, awaiting His sentence. Beside Him is this murderer, a leader of a rebellion named Barabbas. He faces crucifixion just like Jesus. But unlike Jesus, he is a rightful prisoner.

Now because it's Passover, a Jewish Holy Day, Pilate is expected to release a prisoner. So he calls out to the crowd, "Who do you want?" He asks them, "Do you want me to release to you the King of the Jews?"

"Not this one but Barabbas!" they scream in response.

"And what shall we do with this one?" Pilate asks.

"Crucify Him."

Barabbas, the murderer, walks free. Jesus, the Savior, is tortured and crucified. 

It doesn't seem fair, right? I don't know about you, but my initial reaction is anger. How dare Barabbas walk free. That's not right. If anyone had to die, it should have been him. HE was the murderer. He was the criminal. He sinned. What did Jesus ever do wrong?

But dear readers, let me share with you something that blew my mind. (All credit to Mark Hart on this one).

The name Barabbas...Let's break it apart. "Bar" means "son of." And "Abbas" refers to God. So Barabbas literally means son of God. Barabbas isn't just some random thug. He is a son of God.....Just like us. 

That's right. Barabbas represents the human race, the children of God.

I AM BARABBAS.

I am a sinner. I am the thug. If anyone deserved to die on a cross, it would be me NOT Jesus. 

Thankfully, God isn't as quick to judge as we are. He doesn't look at Barabbas (us) and say "Hmm my Son is perfect and you are a nasty criminal, so here's a death sentence." 

The thing is, we deserve the punishment, but God's not going to let that happen. He loves us too much to let us take that punishment, so He takes His very own Son, perfect and holy, and offers Him up. 

Jesus takes our place on that cross. The man who least deserves to endure such suffering volunteers to step up for us. He says nothing as Barabbas' name is shouted from the crowds. He does nothing as He is crucified. 

"The real miracle in the Passion is that there was no miracle." Jesus could have jumped off that cross and wiped out everyone within sight. He could have healed Himself and gone on living a great life. But instead, He accepted the Father's cup and drank the grave so that we would never have to, so that we could have a Savior who understood every form of suffering we could endure.

I am Barabbas. We all are. We don't deserve this life. We don't deserve a Savior like Jesus, a Savior who is willing to step in front of the bullet for us. But because we are the "sons of God," because of Jesus' passionate love for us, He takes that bullet. He accepts the pain, the suffering, and rejection we toss in His face.

God knows we are sinners, but He knows that, as His children, we possess inherent worth. He WANTS us to go free. Even if we keep on sinning, even if we never even thank Him for the sacrifice, He wants us free. THIS is the beauty of grace: we are flawed human beings. We mess up time and time again. We spit on God. We mock Him. We break all of His commandments. We ignore His love....AND STILL, He loves us. STILL He wants our happiness so much that He is willing to endure a horrible death so we don't have to.  

This reminds me of a verse from an amazing song, "Dead Come Alive" (featuring the best rap I have ever heard):

This enemy is too much for me 

And this flesh and world is triple teaming me

It seems to be the very end

I scream "PLEASE OH PLEASE PASS THIS CUP FROM ME."

But the thing is, it DID pass.

And it passes EVERY DAY.

He took my cup from me and gracefully drank the grave.

Take a moment and realize the significance of God's sacrifice. You are Barabbas, and you walk up to that cross and see Jesus hanging there in agony. It's the cross you were supposed to be nailed to. And there, instead, is an innocent man. 

Each time you gaze upon a Crucifix, I pray that you remember this. Remember that we were the ones intended for that cross. The King of this entire universe, "I am" Himself, suffered that so we could walk away unscathed. 

If that's not love I don't know what is.

Welcome Him in

We all have at least one person that is a celebrity in our eyes. If they walked up to us and asked for a place to stay for a bit, we would be completely starstruck. Once we regained our composure, we would of course invite them in, sit them down, and give them anything they asked for. VIP treatment, a feast, countless accommodations...

Take a second and think, right now, of this star in your life. Some actor, musician, author, inspiring person, saint, etc.

Got it?

To avoid the nuisance of saying he/she and his/her repeatedly, let's say this person is a man.

Okay, so imagine he actually did knock on your door tomorrow. You would probably give him star treatment, correct?  Well imagine that you shut the door in his face. In fact, you SLAMMED it. Or you let him in but then proceeded to mock him, beat him, and kill him.

Harsh, right? Why on earth would you do this?

Well the problem is that we ARE on earth. Earth is sinful, full of humans with more freedom than we know what to do with. Enough freedom to make us to horrible things. Enough freedom to make us blind to the greatest Gift ever.

I hope you see where I'm going with this. Jesus is that celebrity. When He arrived on this earth, we should have welcomed Him like the King He is. We should have opened our front doors wide without hesitation and offered Him the most comfortable bed in the house.

Instead, when He arrived on this earth, we closed every inn door on Him. We made Him, our humble yet Almighty King, sleep in a manger.

I say we because it was us. We closed the door. We closed our hearts. We, united as one through our humanity, mocked Him. We spat on Him, beat Him, and drove three nails through His body. And then we hung Him up to die.

Can you believe how blind we were? We had the priceless opportunity to see our God, our Creator, humble Himself and join us through human suffering. Our King took the same form as us. He became human for us. He walked the same earth, ate as we eat, and died as we die.

How humble of the Lord to take this abuse. He went from angels and thrones in heaven to verbal and physical abuse on earth.

And the Pharisees and Sadducees came, and to test him they asked him to show them a sign from heaven. He answered them, “When it is evening, you say, ‘It will be fair weather, for the sky is red.’ And in the morning, ‘It will be stormy today, for the sky is red and threatening.’ You know how to interpret the appearance of the sky, but you cannot interpret the signs of the times. An evil and adulterous generation seeks for a sign, but no sign will be given to it except the sign of Jonah.” So he left them and departed (Matthew 16:1-28).

Ask us who is dominating the box offices and we can tell you. Ask us who the most popular celebrity is and we know. But ask us to point to our much-anticipated Savior right before our very eyes and we wouldn't have a clue.

We know the signs that indicate a storm is near. But we are completely oblivious to the signs that indicate Christ's presence right before us, both in the flesh when He walked this earth and now in Spirit, as He dwells within all we meet.

God's knocking on our doors each day. Next time we hear Him, let us not shut the door in His face. This time, let's give Him the King's welcome He deserves.

Inspirational Videos

Name and Claim It

A little over a month ago, I hurt my wrist exercising. I was training for a very important fitness test. I had to crank out those push-ups. It was do or die. So when my wrist started hurting, I ignored it. It was inconvenient. Why let it stop me from accomplishing my goal?

I kept working out. It kept hurting. Soon, I had no choice but to acknowledge it. The pain a "little sprain" was causing me was too much to ignore. And now here I am, more than a month later and worse off than when I started. I have to wrap my wrist for practice as it practically cuts off my circulation. That's no fun. I have to do "wrist strengthening exercises," (who has time for that?), and, worst of all, I can't practice playing the ukulele anymore. Yes, that's right. My current joy in life has been taken from me.

Funny, isn't it, that I ignored the sprain so I could get better at push-ups, and now as a result, I am unable to do even a single one.

So, my wrist isn't that big of a deal. It's inconvenient. That's it. However, sin...sin IS a big deal. And really, sin's a lot like a little wrist sprain.

It usually starts off small. We mess up once or twice, and as a result, we feel sore a bit. But then we ignore it. It's just a little sin.  Maybe we do so because we think it's too small, too unimportant. Maybe we think that it won't get in the way of our quest toward Heaven. What's one little sin in the grand scheme of things? We've got work to do. We can't stop and spend forever fixing one silly flaw.

This approach causes the situation to snowball. We sin a bit more, and this time, the effects hit us harder. A little soreness eventually escalates into sharp, shooting pain. This pain is so severe that often we are confronted with the realization that we have no choice but to acknowledge it.

That's when we've got to come to God, our "doctor" or "trainer." He sits us down and asks us to identify the problem. Then He gives us a plan to fix it.

But the thing is, we've let the sin grow so much by now that it won't be easy to remove. What could have been a quick fix at the start of the issue is now a lengthy process. The sin, and its resulting pain, has been ingrained in us by now. It is tattooed upon us, and it's no easy process to rid ourselves of its mark. It is robbing us of our joy in life. We can't enjoy whatever our "ukulele" is in life because we've let it get this far. We can't be happy because this sin has taken over our very being.

But luckily for us, God gives us a chance to come clean, to start over.

Reconciliation. Our God is a God of mercy. He forgives us, but we must reach the point where we want this forgiveness.We must be ready to forgive ourselves. And, most difficult of all, we must be willing to become vulnerable, to admit that we messed up, and to bear our sins.

This vulnerability is difficult. Who likes admitting we've messed up? But it's necessary. It's necessary to stop the cycle, the cycle in which we sin and ignore it and ignore it and ignore it until it is all we can think about. Until it gets to the point that the sin is too great and the pain too sharp to ignore.

No one wants to reach this point. Trust me.

Unfortunately, however, many of us will. And when we do, it's up to us to dig deep and bring our sins to the table. We've got to name and claim them if we want them to go away. Ignore them, and we end up chained to them.

Connections made in string are much easier to break than connections made of chain.

So, whatever the sin--big or small, new-found or years in the making--I encourage you to name and claim it and to stop it at its roots before these roots become too big to remove.Though you may need to dig deep and risk opening yourself up to God, I have no doubt that this is the only way to get better. This is the only way to find the strength to pick yourself up and start climbing toward the goal again.

Why Not?

If I had read this blog over a year ago, I would have laughed at myself, even mocked myself. I had this image in my head of those teens who tweeted Bible verses and listened to Christian music. They spent their Friday nights reading the Bible. They avoided secular music like the plague. And they condemned to hell anyone who passed by them with shorts less than an inch above their knees. Suffice it to say, I was not interested.

It's crazy to think of myself this time last year, right before I really started delving into my faith. My reputation was most likely defined by my crazy personality, dachshund racing obsession, excessive nose-blowing during allergy season, and talent show rap performances. The most religious thing about me was probably just my name.

Going through the motions. That's how I like to describe my attitude toward faith for those 16 years.

Half of my high school career and all of my LIFE was spent half-heartedly engaging in my faith. But then, my image of a Christian teen starting shifting, and I started becoming the person I had secretly laughed at. I definitely did not have it all figured out, and I still don't! But I've at least been trying. That's the difference. Trying. 

Before, I didn't feel the need to put into anything into my faith. I wasn't trying to grow closer to God. I may have wanted it, but I wasn't dedicated to actually establishing this relationship.

Like I said, I'm only beginning down this path, but even just one year into taking my faith seriously, I can see the difference. I can see that the path I was on before was not the right path. Sure, I could have walked that route my entire life and still been successful and happy, but it still was not the right path. And it's not the right path for anyone.

That path, the path of ignorance toward God, can make you happy and give you money and more...but it cannot make you joyful--truly, consistently filled with happiness despite the circumstances--and it cannot give you true peace and true satisfaction.

That close bond with Christ gives you a moral compass and keeps you grounded. Assuming you're keeping your eyes on Him, you don't get caught up in the trivial things in life. Sure, you'll slip up, but there's always the opportunity to keep on trying.

Now, I'm not condemning those who aren't into their faith. I'm just saying, why not? Why not go for it? Yeah, your reputation could take on a whole new meaning in a matter of months. And yeah, some people might label you a Jesus freak. It comes with the territory. You get over it. Because at the end of the day, all that really matters is how you treat the Big Guy. That is what affects your "success" in/after life, and that's what is going to shine through you if you play your cards right.

The young people who inspire me in my faith are often the nicest people I've met. And I know why. They learn from the best. They learn their kindness and their love from the One who invented these concepts. And yes, you can give my countless examples of joyless and mean Christians. In my opinion, if they're joyless and mean....they're not doing it right.

Pope Francis gets where I'm coming from. In June, he tweeted, "A Christian is never bored or sad.  Rather, the one who loves Christ is full of joy and radiates joy."

Knowing Jesus has given me the most fulfilling joy and the most certain peace of my life. Nothing has ever felt more right than having this relationship. If I had heard those last two sentences years ago, I would've rolled my eyes, branded the author a weird Jesus freak, and moved on to something more "interesting." But hear me out! I'm not crazy. I am a (semi-) normal teenager. I've seen both sides of the scenario. And I can tell you that the glass of your life is half full when you start valuing your relationship with God. It'll take effort and time to make God a core part of your life, don't get me wrong, but I promise you, without a doubt, that you will be rewarded for your efforts, for having the nerve to try. 

So the thing is...there's really no down side to trying the whole "Jesus thing" out. You may miss out on a few wild experiences, but just trust me on this one: the peace and joy you'll feel is a billion times more satisfying than any fleeting high that presents itself as "happiness." Why would you not put effort into establishing this relationship? Why would you miss out on the opportunity to become the kindest, happiest, and holiest version of yourself? Why would you not want to have a bond with the only One who really knows you and still really loves you? I asked these questions a while ago, and I've found the answer. I have come to the conclusion that there is no good reason NOT to give it a shot.

In the words of C.S. Lewis, "There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind."

Take a chance and trust me on this. There are better things ahead on your journey, so please do not miss your ride.


Feel free to comment below or message me on Facebook or Twitter if you have questions/comments/concerns/random facts you'd like to share. You rock. Thanks for reading!

Alive Within Us

The other day, I made my first visit to the chapel this new school year. This chapel is heaven on earth, tucked away feet from the classrooms that cause me anxiety yet filled with complete tranquility. The moment the door shuts, I am overcome with a sense of comfort.

Already stressed out, I did not hesitate to get down to business. As I knelt before the Blessed Sacrament, I noticed something surreal. 

A crucifix I wear on a long chain under my shirt was sticking out in between the buttons on my uniform button-down. I looked down and noticed it, face up, Christ staring at me. And then a peculiar thing happened. It started moving, beating. It freaked me out at first, until I stopped to listen. And then I heard it. 

Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum. 

The crucifix on my chest was moving along with my hearbeat, the "ba-dum" of my heart in perfect synchrony with its movements. What a gift from God. I'm sure I'll continue to find even more significance in this experience, but my first reaction was that God wished to remind me of His presence.  As I knelt before the Blessed Sacrament in the chapel, Christ was practically screaming at me (in the reverent silence) that He was present, that He was alive, and is alive.

Christ is alive. Sometimes it takes a Crucifix beating along with your heart to be reminded of this fact. But it's true. Christ is alive. He is alive in the Church, in the Eucharist, in the Sacraments, and in us. 

That's right. Christ is alive everywhere we look, especially within our own very hearts. It may seem obvious, but it's actually quite remarkable. He's not just a voice in our head. He's not just the star-filled sky. He is within us. His heart beats in synchrony with ours because He is united to our hearts in a deep and intimate connection.

  The blood that pumps through our veins is the same blood He spilled for our sake.

Think about it. No one has ever loved you as much as Christ does. His love is incomparable. So deeply does He care for us, that He has blessed us with His eternal presence. He is with us until the end of time. In the stars of the sky. In the Word of God we read. In the Sacraments we celebrate. And within us, each and every one of us.

We must be reminded of this fact if we wish to treat others and ourselves properly. Loving Christ can be as simple as loving your neighbor because Christ lives in that person and Christ is reflected by that love. His presence lives on in this mutual exchange of love.

And just as Jesus is alive today, He was alive thousands of years ago. He's not a fictional character. He's not a legend, or merely a distant figure in a history. He is human. He walked, He talked, He grew up, laughed, cried, you name it. He walked this very same earth and experienced this very same joy and suffering. He is united to us through the human experience. He is united to us through a love so strong that He died for us.

He's not just a tiny metal man on a tiny metal cross. When He was crucified, He felt everything that we feel. He suffered as much, even more, than we suffer. 

He had a beating heart. And one day, it stopped beating. He's just like us, except for one thing. His heart may have stopped beating out of His own physical body, but now it beats through us. Now we are His body, and He is our heart. Jesus lives through us, His followers. 

So let us not forget that every minute we have been blessed with a beating heart, we owe to God. Every breath we take is a gift from Him. Let's repay Him for His love, His sacrifice, and the gift of His presence by dedicating each heartbeat, each fragment of our day, to Jesus Christ. And let us never forget, that God is alive within our hearts, loving us with an incomparable, indescribable, and intimate love: a love that is real; a love that is undeniable; a love that would endure death to save you.

Are We Listening?

A few months ago, I used to make a habit of grabbing a blanket and cuddling up on the ground outside under the stars. This was my "me time" and my God time, often one of the only slivers of peace I could find in a stressful day.

It was beneath the stars one night that I had the crazy idea to start a blog. God made the sky. Look how glorious He is. How can I NOT share His greatness? I was in awe. The stars, up on "Heaven's Boulevard" were revealing His glory, fueling my new-found fire for Christ.

These stargazing sessions refocused my thoughts. They reminded me that my problems, however unconquerable they seemed, were in actuality, teeny tiny.

Look at these stars...God seemed to be telling me. I made them. I made this universe. And you are worried about that. 

I was reminded of the insignificance of my problems, and also of God's immense love for me. After all, He commanded each and every star in the sky, yet He still took time out of His busy day to have a conversation with me whenever I needed it.

But soon I got into the mindset that I didn't need it. How could I possibly find time to stargaze when I was up so late anyway? Test, quizzes, homework, relationships, phones, computers, sports, having fun, playing around....That began to become the priority. I was "too busy" for stargazing.

The end of these reflection sessions with God was just the beginning of a long list of ways I turned from God in the face of stress or trial. In retrospect, I can see myself becoming more and more jaded and bitter the less time I spent with Him.

And then I had the gall to ask HIM where He had gone. I failed to see that I had removed Him from my life. Maybe I was still a Catholic on the outside, but inside I was His rebellious teenage daughter going through a phase and looking for solace in all the wrong places.

I pulled away from Him and placed other forms of relief in front of prayer and communication with a God who wanted nothing more than to help me. Yet I was surprised that I felt distant from Him. I wanted a sign. I wanted proof that He was still there.

I had once sat beneath the stars and nearly cried of joy upon seeing a shooting star in the sky. Now here I was with no desire at all to step outside and try to talk to the empty sky.

Slowly, as I rebuild the relationship I tried to destroy, I've figured out what the issue was. I was hearing, but I wasn't listening.

I was going to Mass, talking the talk, but I wasn't believing it. Don't get me wrong, I still loved God and my faith, but I was holding a bit of a grudge, and doubting things that had once seemed like evident truths.

One of my favorite lines of a song reads, "I will tell you I love you, but the muffs on your ears will cater your fears."

I was living with muffs over my ears. I heard just fine, but the muffs blocked out my ability to LISTEN, to make sense of the jumbled "nonsense" I was hearing.

God was practically screaming at me, begging me to come back, to spend time with Him. He knew I needed it, and I knew in theory I needed it. Just like I knew in theory I was loved by Him. But when He had told me, "I have called you out by name and you are mine," I heard without listening. The words went in one ear and out the other, and I came not a step closer to finally getting it.

I began to get it the second I opened up, the second I agreed to letting God in and letting Him help me.

It's like waiting for a shooting star at night while you sit in the corner of your room alone. You can scream at God all you want, asking Him to send you something, anything, to show you He cares. You can wish for the days of shooting stars and tears of joy. But they won't return if you stay in that corner, yelling at God instead of listening. God can send you millions of shooting stars, but you can't see them because you never even bothered to leave your sad little corner.

He can prove to you He loves you, but you've got to remove those muffs from your ears. You've got to get up off the floor, grab your blankie, and head outside. Yes it may be cold and dark, but you've got to give God a chance. 

Only when you lie down and look up at the sky can God show you what you've been missing, what has been hidden from you by the confines of your ceiling.

Tonight, I sat outside to look at the stars, part of my attempt to refocus my life on this constant communication.

God, 50th post coming up next. What do you want me to write ab--- Before I could even finish, a bright shooting star flashed exactly where I was looking. And then, minutes later, another.

God knew I had missed those shooting stars, those reminders of His presence. He had probably sent me hundreds that past few months, but I never took the time to sit down and look up to see them. Wow. I thought, before I had connected the stars to my listening skills. Who knew so many shooting stars passed over us while we wasted time inside? I wish I had known to come outside more. I can't believe I've missed so many spectacular sights all this time...

And then it hit me, that I was missing out on God's presence because I never risked to put myself out there, to open myself up to Him.

God, I asked one last time. So what do you want me to write about?

My daughter, listen to these words....popped into my head. Then I waited, was God going to actually speak to me?! Give me words to relate like some prophetic vision. But then I realized....He already has. Listen to these words. That's all there is to it. God has given us words, proof, models of holiness. He's given us every tool we need to strive for sainthood. We've just got to pay attention to it all.

"Speak, O Lord, for your servant is listening" (1 Samuel 3:7-11).

If you don't hear God or feel God or believe that God loves you...don't blame God. He's calling every second. We are the ones with muffs constantly over our ears, unable to hear--truly hear--His beckoning.

Don't let God's words, God's witnesses, and God's love pass through your ears absentmindedly. Listen to what He has to say. Take that extra step toward Him and allow yourself to be vulnerable, to be present to Him. Then you'll finally hear and understand His voice. Then you will see the shooting stars He's been sending your way for so long.

Related Song: You're Beautiful by Phil Wickham