I was once afraid of the outspoken Christians. No, I didn’t quiver in fear in their presence, but rather it unnerved me to see their devoutness. What did they have that I didn’t? Why wasn’t I like that? I secretly admired these people’s courage to speak out for their beliefs despite the backlash that could result. I went to Mass and prayed, but I knew that God wasn’t the center of my life, as it appeared to be for these people. As much as I hated to admit it, I think I always wanted to be like them. And then I realized (eventually) that it wasn’t some gift given to a select few. God’s grace is given to all. I needed simply to accept Him.
Now I know that not everyone is called to become an outspoken follower, but for some reason, I am quite slowly beginning to think that is my role to play. Before now, I lacked confidence in Him, confidence that He would be with me every step of the way each and every day. Yes, I still experience times of doubt today, as I will for the rest of my life. That’s a part of being human. However, this inevitability doesn’t mean I should give up on trying. And that is what I am aiming to do: try. I am trying to incorporate God into my life. He shouldn’t be a spectator to my life, but rather, He should be the reason I even live. Instead of shoving God into a corner and talking to Him only when I need Him, I now resolve to make Him the center of my life. Yes, I will fail. Over and over again, I will fail, as has every other follower of Christ. I will at times be ashamed of my faith, no matter how often I tell myself not to be. It is what I make out of failures such as this that will define me. Will I back down after insult, or will I turn it into motivation to speak louder? Will I let a bad day define me, or I will fight it with the brightest Light in the world?
Questions such as these are necessary to faith. Life will throw each and every one of us for a loop. We will be tested, broken, rebuilt, and then broken more irreparably than before. Despite the abuse we are certain to take, we will always have Jesus standing in our corner rooting for us. We’re worth it. The fight is worth it. Because in the end, I know there will come a time when God will assess not the cards we were dealt, but rather how we played them. So let’s play them well.